Have you been so angry that you wanted to throw something at another colleague? Lost your temper and voiced anger? 

Anger sends messages such as, “You’ve offended me.” “I don’t like you.”  Expressing anger tends to generate more anger.

While anger is a natural emotion, mismanagement of anger can have serious consequences.  Anger in the workplace is a problem when it adversely affects co-workers and productivity, or turns into violence and expensive litigation.  

Anger has a negative effect on worker morale, productivity and teamwork. It can also result in health problems; angry people tend to have more cardio-vascular and stress-related illnesses than calm people.

Do you manage anger well?  

Answer “yes” or “no:”  

1. When angry, I act before thinking.
2. It’s easy for me to forgive.
3. My anger goes away after I explode.
4. I’m rarely angry.
5. I become mad to get what I want.
6. I’m easygoing.
7. I lose control when my anger takes over. 
8. When provoked, I think before acting.
9. I need to win arguments.
10. I can calm situations when people are angry with me.
11. I hang on to anger.
12. I’m usually calm and centered.
13. I take anger out on people around me.
14. I know when I’m getting angry. 
15. People are out to get me.

Scoring: One point for each “yes” to odd-numbered statements and each “no” to even numbered ones.  Three or less suggests you manage anger well; four to seven suggests you should learn anger management strategies; and eight or higher indicates you need anger management counseling or coaching.

Managing anger

1. Take time out.  Count to 10 before acting.  Go to a quiet place and breathe deeply if you’re enraged, or wait a few days to cool down.
 
Shift gears. Dispel angry energy by performing more mundane, routine aspects of your job.

2. Identify feelings and thoughts. Clarify and objectify the issue. Know why you’re mad. Remind yourself to keep anger in check. 

Think. Write down your version of the incident. Take responsibility for your feelings.  Explore ways to resolve the problem. Plan how you’ll communicate your view.

3. Communicate. Share your thoughts and feelings with the person. Discuss the factual basis of each other’s thoughts to get a different interpretation. Give merit to another’s view until you can validate its accuracy. Change your view if new information proves you wrong.

Listen. Conflict accelerates when people don’t feel heard. Consider others’ viewpoints carefully without defensiveness. Try to understand the message even if you disagree. Attend to words, tone of voice, expressions and gestures. React thoughtfully. Pay attention to what is said without interrupting, judging or offering solutions. Ask questions when you’re not clear about something. This enables you to get more information and demonstrates interest and concern.

Summarize what you hear the person say to correct misunderstandings. Let her know you hear the emotional content of the message. Listen between the lines. What’s the person feeling but not saying.

When there’s a pause, demonstrate understanding. For example, “I understand.” You’re not necessarily agreeing with the person or giving in, but you’re showing interest and respect the other’s concern.

4. Share negative emotions in person. Never criticize, complain, or send inflammatory remarks via emails, answering machines or notes. 

Don’t respond negatively to inflammatory mail. Question your assumptions for validity. Contact senders by phone or email to schedule one-to-one meetings in person or over the phone to discuss concerns.

5. Negotiate. Look for creative compromises that consider needs and priorities of all parties.  Ask those involved for suggestions. Choices make people feel they have control. 

6. Forgive. Release negative feelings, the painful past and need for revenge. Search for positive solutions.

7. Practice makes perfect. Identify someone who handles anger well. List three effective anger management strategies he or she uses. List three ways you usually express anger, and three ways in which you could react more positively. 

Rehearse anger management strategies. Practicing self-control will enable you to remain calm when tension is high.  You’ll also become a better communicator, maintain fairness and integrity, and have a more harmonious, productive workplace.

Learn more in Questers Dare to Change, found in links above.